When Mom Moves In

 

 

 

At some point last year I read an article about generational living.  It stated how many Americans are transitioning to this type of living.  Its not just grown children moving back home but parents moving in with their children.  Money is tight for everyone and lots of people are going back to living all together.  There are so many advantages to this but families are complicated and full of old hurts, pre-determined rolls and love.  Navigating all of that can be difficult, here's our story. 

 

Like most mothers and daughters my mom and I have always had a special bond and been pretty close.  Growing up as the oldest I always had the bulk of the work.  I was the one to take care of what needed to be taken care of.  Knowing that my mom knew she could always count on me made me feel special and helped forged a bond. When I was 18 and knew it all, I didn't want or need my mom around.  During this same time she was going through a nasty divorce and was trying to shield me from it, so we grew apart.  We didn't talk every day, but I always knew my mom was in my corner.  Things changed when I was a young, newly married mom.  I didn't have many friends and my mom and I became closer.  She was with me through  my whole pregnancy and there during the delivery as I waited for my husband.  Being able to share that moment with her was amazing.  As close as we were we were not with out our issues.  I wanted independence to be able to raise my son the way I wanted and to live my marriage the way we saw fit and my mom, like all moms, wanted to protect me and not to see me struggle.  These fights came and went as all fights between family do, and then I moved away. 

When my husband and I received orders to move to Texas I was at a low point in my life.  We had just suffered a miscarriage and I was in the midst of a depression.  In retrospect the move was really the best thing for us.  It made Jon and I lean on each other, taught me to stand on my own two feet and the change of scenery was what I needed to over come my depression.  While it was great for my little family it was hard on my mom.  I had never lived more than 45 minutes from her, making it easy to get together for a quick dinner or a shopping date.  Now not only was I cross country, I had take her first grand baby with me.  This was a learning time for both of us.  We realized what it took to be close was long distance.  We still talked everyday on the phone and used Facebook to share pictures and stay in touch.  After just a few short months in Texas we found out we were having our second baby so trips home were hard to make, not to mention costly for everyone.  We did our best to stay connected but when you're cross country no matter how many times you talk during the day things get missed.  People change and grow apart. 

 

After a few years in Texas, we received our orders to move to NY. Mom and I were still close, still doing things the best we knew how, but by now 6 years had past since I left.  I was a different person, I had grown up.  I had found myself so to speak, and while that woman was and is still evolving she wasn't the same young depressed girl that had left WI.  On the other hand my mom was different as well.  Time has a way of changing people, they grow and become slightly different versions of themselves.  At this point mom was having some serious health issues.  I was trying to do my best to help her long distance but with our move and settling into the new house and just generally being away it was hard to do much more than be supportive.  About 6 months after we moved into the house mom lost her job.  This put her in a very difficult positions both physically and financially.  She had no idea what she was going to do next and I didn't know how to help being so far away.  My amazing husband offered to have mom come and live with us. I was hesitant, all I could remember was the last time we lived together when I was in collage and how hard it was, how much we butted heads.  I didn't want to go back to that place, I didn't want to have to share my life and my house.  Part of me was angry that this was even an issue, that we were even having this conversation, but my husband knew something I didn't. He insisted that having the extra hands would be a great help and explained that having another generation in the house would be so beneficial to the boys. I was not necessarily on board, but Jon wanted to do it, so I reluctantly agreed.  

So in the fall of 2014 Jon left to go pick her up and bring her here.  She had not lived outside of WI since she was 8 years old, so this was a huge deal for her.  She gave away most of what she had and packed the rest up and drove cross country to a new life.  I've never really stopped to think about how hard that must have been for her.  At 51 years old she had to pack up her life and move in with her daughter.  She must have felt angry and bitter at the situation but also blessed, humbled, scared and excited.  

After about a month real life hit and for me it was a struggle.  All those old feelings and issues came slamming back to the front only this time I was an adult and she was in my house.  Not to mention we were both different people.  We both went into it with lots of talks about boundaries and expectations.  This was a good start but didn't really prepare us for real life.  It was a steep learning curve and I won't bore you with details, but we managed.  We learned a lot about ourselves and each other.  Old wounds were re-opened, but this time we were able to actually work on healing them.  It took lots of talking, crying laughing and baby steps but we are finally in a good place today.  We still take it one day at a time and there are still days where I wonder what the hell we were thinking, but you know what, it's good.  We are in a good place.  

The blessings have really been overwhelming. Jon and I have finally been able to take time for us without having to worry about finding money for a sitter and we were able to take the vacation of a life time.  If mom hadn't been here we couldn't have done it.  Watching my children get to know their grandma in a way that they might not have been able to otherwise and learning about their heritage and their great-grandparents, has been another huge blessing.  Being able to help my mom out after all the years that she took care of me is so gratifying.  We have also been able to make our relationship healthier and stronger. Isn't that what you really want?

Garden Dreams

February is right around the corner and although I'm not sure when winter will show up I'm starting to dream of spring and planting our garden.  Last year was our first year and of course we had a big garden with lots of stuff.  Being our first year we had lots to learn and man was the learning curve harsh.  We didn't get enough of anything to put up but we did enjoy what veggies we got.

Last year:

When we were planning last year we knew we wanted to try as much as we could just to see what would grow and what we actually would eat. We planted partial rows of corn, summer squash, spaghetti squash, lettuce, beets, spinach, onions, cucumbers, pumpkins, tomatoes, peas, peppers, cantaloupe, watermelon.  We went on vacation so we didn't have time to start any of the seeds in doors, so everything went in the ground in seed form.  All we did to prep the area was lay down a cover of leaves the fall before and then in the spring we tilled them in.  Other than that we wanted to keep the soil as pure as possible so we knew what exactly we were dealing with.  We learned that while it was great for some things, we didn't do so well with our corn, melons beets and tomatoes.  Over all we did well for our first year and learned a lot.

This year:

This year we plan to extend the garden so we can have a bigger harvest and actually be able to put up some veggies!  We want to do a mixture of raised beds and container planting this year to see if we can increase our yields.  We are afraid our soil isn't good for tomatoes so we want to use potting soil and get the out of the ground.  We also want to make sure we have enough room so we want to trellis as much as we can this year.  We also learned that we need to be more diligent about the consistency of our soil.  We have a lot of clay around here and just the one till didn't do a very good job, so this year we need to make sure we till more than once and really pick through the soil for rocks and twigs.  Last year we planted and watered and that was it for the first month or so.  This year we plan on using more fertilizer.  We composted all summer and plan on using that to fertilize the soil.  We also plan on using a water in fertilizer as soon as the plants mature, we realized that as good as our soil is it can be much better. 

The biggest thing we did learned last year is that when we have a garden leaving for more than a weekend is a no no!  This year we are going to be around from start to finish and we are going to hope for a bigger and better garden!  Please stay tune and I'll share our journey as we walk it!

Some days I want to scream, and thats ok

Last time I had a blog I put so much pressure on my self to make sure that each post was well written and had some amazing point, or that someone learned something from it.  This time around I want to be completely real.  While I do feel I am a wealth of knowledge, excuse the horn tooting, I am also super flawed and don't spend my days as Little Miss Sunshine working around the house.

These last few weeks have had more bad days than good.  Days where I was crying by 9 am, spent the rest of the day yelling, called my husband and vented which caused him to come home and yell.  I really started to second guess this decision to homeschool, is it really worth the stress?  We had a few months of either no school or light school as we had to make an emergency trip back home for a funeral and then when we came back it was two weeks before Christmas.  Needless to say life was crazy around here for a good two months.  But come January 1st, I wanted to jump back into the New Year.  Have a fresh start and really get caught up and on track. Isn't that what the New Year is for?  Well someone forgot to tell my children because I think I left them back in the bad habits and laziness of 2015.  I had come up with a whole new schedule and approach to school, one that I was excited about.  All they knew was that now they had to do school and they didn't want to.  So the first two school days of 2016 were spent yelling at everyone!  I yelled at the kids, and the dog and the husband and the chickens and prolly my friends    They accomplished two out of five subjects each day and we knew from experience that if we didn't nip this in the butt it was going to be bad for us.  So we did what every parent dreads, we took away everything.  I am talking I pulled all of the toys out of their room and gave them books and coloring books and that was it.  The oldest had two options: be in your room or do school.  Gosh while I write this I realize how harsh this sounds but you know what?  after two days of this he turned around, caught himself back up and had a much better attitude.  The following week he had one bad day and after imposing the room consequence he was fine the rest of the week.  Our youngest is a whole different ball of wax.  He has similar consequences but more age appropriate.  He has to stay in his room after dinner  until bed if he doesn't finish on time.  He is very social and spending even five minutes alone is torment for him.  Separating him works well.

You know we had similar problems all first semester and we had them all our first year of homeschooling as well, so I knew if I let this continue it would be April and everyone would be ready to pull our hair out.  Reading this it may seem like we jumped to the extreme really quick but I promise you we tried everything.  We tried allowing them to take the reigns and lead their own education, we tried having a time limit and what we got done that day we got done.  You name it we tried.  It was time for the big guns.  I know that some say school should be organic, that it comes from living life and being engaged but all my kids want to do is pretend they are killing each other.  No learning is occurring there.  We also believe that they need to learn time management and how to do things they don't necessarily want to.  Of course all of this is balanced by lots of play time and love.

So when they don't listen I yell and I get angry and I punish them.  Then I walk away, calm down and come back with love and a pep talk and you know what it makes us a pretty normal family.

DIY Recipes for the Thrifty Mom!

 

Even before we decided to homestead I started replacing some of my store bought items with homemade ones.  Things that I could make at home in bulk and freeze to save money.  This not only saves me tons it give me control over what goes into my food.  This has only improved over the years as we learn more about where our food comes from and as we begin to grow our own, it also made my transition to gluten free easier as I was already accustomed to making my own items.  I wanted to share with you a few of the easy swaps you can do to.  Some of these things take a little time but you really only have to do it once every few months and then you’re done!

Spaghetti Sauce

My oldest and my husband can be very picky when it comes to eating veggies so I like to make my own tomato sauce and use it as a vessel to get extra veggies in.  Here is my recipe:

Whatever veggies I find in the fridge (I like to make this up when I am cleaning out my fridge and toss in any veggies that are on the verge of death)

These are my staples:

Carrots 2-3 large or a couple of handfuls of babies

Half a squash/ butternut or acorn

Peppers 2-3 red, orange or yellow (you can use green but I don't care for them,  Also the more peppers you use the more your sauce will taste like them)

2 Large cans of crushed tomatoes

2 Small cans or one regular can of tomato sauce

1 Can tomato paste

On occasion I have used any of the following:

Spinach

Broccoli

Summer squash/zucchini

Onions 

To start, add some olive oil to the bottom of your big pot (I use my stock pot) over medium heat.  Then add the veggies and a good amount of salt.  Sweat the veggie until they are just soft.  Add all of the canned tomatoes and paste along with 2 of the large cans of water.  Season with more salt, pepper, a bay leaf, Italian seasoning and oregano.   Bring to a boil and simmer for 2-3 hours.  Once all the veggies are soft remove from the heat and cool.  Once the sauce is cool use an immersion blender or a regular blender and blend it up.  I blend mine completely as I'm hiding the veggies but you can do this to your preference. Once done I like to put mine in large zip lock bags in 2 and 4 cup increments. This seems to be about all I need for one meal.  I also want to note that the amount you season the sauce is completely up to you.  I like to use mine not just for spaghetti but for any tomato based sauce so I tend to go light on my seasonings and then when I am actually making a meal I will add more.

* I want to note that last time I made this sauce following this recipe I got 24 cups of sauce!  You can easily cut back the amount of everything and make less. 

Broth

Making your own broth is so simple and saves you so much!  I can get a package of beef bones, a small organic chicken or a bunch of veggies for under $10 each and make 8 quarts or more of stock.

For the base of all broths you need a few stalks of celery, carrots and a seasoning pouch.  I use bay leaves, rosemary, thyme in a piece of cheese cloth tied up.  I also add salt and pepper to the water.  Once again I tend to lean on the light side of seasoning so I can use it anywhere.

For Chicken Broth:

Place all the veggies and seasoning in a large pot with the chicken and cover with water.  Boil for 3-4 hours or until the chicken is done.  Be careful not to overcook the chicken as it will turn to mush and not be appetizing when you shred it.  Remove the chicken and allow the whole thing to cool.  You can bag the shredded chicken and freeze it for later meals or save yourself the hassle and use it for dinner that night.  For the broth place it in the fridge overnight.  This will allow the fat to float to the top and solidify.  Then next day you remove the fat.

For Beef Broth:

In a large pot roast the beef bones seasoned with salt and pepper at 400 degrees for 15-20 minutes.  When you can smell the beef it’s time to take it out.  Add your veggies and seasonings and cover with water.  Simmer for 3-4 hours, then remove from heat and allow to cool overnight so you can skim the fat off just like the chicken broth.

For Veggie Broth:

Veggie broth is a little trickier to make.  You really have to play around with the veggies and seasonings you put in to make it flavorful.  I like to use the traditional carrots, celery, onions.  I also have used sweet potatoes, peppers and kale.  Bring everything to a boil and let boil for 2-3 hours.  Then allow cool.  The next day you want to separate the liquid from the veggies.

For all 3, once the broth is cool you will want to separate it.  I divide it up by 1 cup increments into small zip-lock baggies labeled.  Then I put them on a cookie sheet and freeze.

A couple other things I make are my own frozen pizza pockets and burritos.  My husband takes them for lunch when we don't have leftovers.  I save myself time by making a double batch and having it for dinner that night.  The following recipes are for single batches.

* The amount of broth you make will all depend on how much water you add in the beginning.  Adding less water will give you less broth and also mean less cooking time.  

Burritos:

One can of refried beans

One and half pounds ground beef (I wouldn't recommend turkey as it would be too soft with the beans)

One package taco seasoning

One small can chopped green chilies

Shredded cheese

Salsa Verde

A package of burrito sized tortillas

Brown the meat in a large skillet until cooked through.  Drain off the grease and add the taco seasoning and a 1/4 cup water.  Mix well, add the refried beans and green chilies and mix until the beans are warm and everything is mixed well.  Remove from heat and allow to cool. 

Once the meat is room temperature, take one tortilla and spoon in 1/4-1/2 of a cup of filling.  Add a table spoon of Salsa Verde and a handful of cheese.  Fold the side in to meet in the middle and the top over and roll.  Place seam side down on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper.   Once you have used all the filling (I get about 8 burritos from one batch), spread a little olive oil over the tops and bake at 375 for 20 minutes or until just golden.  Allow to cool and wrap in freezer paper. 

* You can also adjust the recipe and add shredded chicken or pork! Just make sure your meat is moist enough so it doesn't dry out in the microwave. 

* To make this recipe gluten free you can use a gluten free tortilla shell.  I like Aldis the best, microwave it for 15 -30 seconds before trying to roll.  I don't recommend corn tortillas as they don't do well frozen.

Pizza Pockets

Pizza dough:

1 3/4 to 2 1/4 Cup flour (I use a mixture of half whole wheat and half all purpose)

1 Package yeast

1 1/2 TS sugar

3/4 TS salt

2/3 Cup water

3 TB oil

For the sauce I use a jar of pizza sauce and improve it by adding more Italian seasoning, salt and oregano.  

Toppings are whatever your heart desires! 

Mix 1 3/4 cup flour, yeast, sugar and salt in a large bowl.  Add the water and oil and mix well.  If the dough is to sticky then add more flour as needed.  It should come together in a ball and not stick to your hands too much. Turn the dough out onto a floured surface and knead to finish bringing the dough together.  Divided the dough into 1/2 Cup portions.  Using a floured rolling pin roll the dough out to desired thickness (remember that the thicker the dough is the more bread you will have in your pocket).  Add 3 TB of Pizza sauce of your own choosing, leaving a 1/4 of an inch rim around the edge, and a handful of cheese.  From here you can fill it with whatever you want!  We have used drained chopped olives, cooked and cooled Italian sausage and pepperoni.  

Once filled fold, wet the edges, and fold in half.  Roll the edges to keep sealed and place on baking sheet with parchment paper.  Bake at 375 for 20-30 minutes or until golden brown and cooked through. Allow to cool and wrap with freezer paper and freeze. 

* This recipe will yield me about 10-12 pizza pockets.  

*This recipe is not gluten free and I have not yet figured out how to make it so!  Any suggestions would be welcome.

How We Fell into Homeschooling

Some people know even before they have children that they will homeschool them.  Others choose to homeschool after struggling the public education in some fashion.  Either way this decision is usually followed by months of praying, research and antagonizing.  Then there is us.  I always said that I would never homeschool my children, although if I did it would only be in an area where I had a large community to support and socialize my children.  I still never believed it would actually happen, I believed that being in public school was just fine for our children as long as I was in their corner fighting for their needs and making sure they had the best education possible.  I also knew that I had to do my part at home, with homework and educational stuff.  What I didn't count on was the fact that even though I knew he was having issues, I could see that he needed extra help no one would listen to me.  He was a good, sweet boy who everyone loved and most importantly he "tested well".  I was in the school weekly for the whole first semester of his second grade year, insisting that he needed extra help.  Over and over I was told that he does fine in class and they didn't see an issue.  But I seen the issues, I seen that he was still confusing his b's and d's, that he struggled to sound out any word that wasn't a sight word, that he had little to no problems solving or critical thinking skills.  I was watching the smart funny boy I knew slip away.  At the same time we were dealing with bullying issues.  It seemed that each year he encountered more and more mean kids with the school doing very little to help.  What can they do, kids will be kids and you can't stop every mean comment that comes out of their mouths.  I grew more and more worried and frustrated with the system that I had such faith in.  There I was advocating for my boy and knowing in my gut that something isn't right but nobody would listen!

Meanwhile, I had a friend who decided to homeschool her girls.  Both of her children were with in a few months age-wise of my kids, so our experiences would be similar.  She was never home schooled but her younger siblings were and both were active, intelligent members of their communities.  She invited me over to take a look at her set up and just talk about it.  She pushed me to realized that I was indeed smart enough and could do it.  She showed me the books she used and encouraged me to take the step.  I was convinced but now I had to convince my husband.  He was in the middle of a deployment and we knew when he came home we would be looking at a move.  We would only have a few months before we had to leave and I knew that any decision we made needed to be done before we started the move.  So after just a few weeks of talking we decided to go with our guts and take the leap.  We had done no research into approaches or learning styles, I didn't even know there was different approaches, I just figured you bought the books and voila you have school at home!  I spent a long overwhelming week on http://cathyduffyreviews.com/ trying to figure out what we wanted to use to teach our children.  Who knew there were so many Math curriculum's!   Eventually I came up with a plan and in fall of 2014 we started.  Its been a rough ride, with a steep learning curve but we are making a go of it and I see my children learning so much!  We are still seeing issues in our oldest and are in the process of having him tested for learning disabilities but he has made leaps and bounds in just a few short years!  The most rewarding thing is looking back and knowing that what they know I taught them.  I am also learning with them, things that I never really understood or knew because I had to memorize them now make sense!  Over the course of this blog I'll share more on our journey but this is how we came to homeschool and I have to tell you its one of the better decisions we made.

Brownsteading, What the hell?

I had a blog before, and in that blog I introduced my self, my family and what we are trying to do.  For most of you reading this it will be a repeat, but since I hope that one day others besides family and friends will read this I'm going to go over it again!

First things first, I am Tania Brown a stay at home, homeschooling mom, and a military wife of 12 years.  I am Gluten free and have been for almost 2 years now, that being said I love to cook and am slowly improving my skills!  Becoming gluten free meant I had to relearn how to cook!  My poor husband had to go through 2 phases in life where he was eating some pretty bad food! I have learned lots of tips and tricks and have come a long way!  I also love to be outdoors and garden (though Im still learning). I consider my self crafty and Pintrest (follow me at: https://www.pinterest.com/tjbrown06/ ) is both my best friend and my enemy!  I wear many hats and try to balance them all, but it gets tricky and there are days where I just want to sit and cry.  I am above all real and what you will see around here is life, the dirty, yelling, messy, happy, confusion that comes with real life. 

 I believe in living an 80/20 lifestyle and that all things come from balance.  So while I love to feed my family healthy homemade, home grown food I also keep pizza, chicken nuggets and sweet cereal in the house.  We try to keep our electronic use to a minimum and encourage imagination and outdoor play, but there are days where we become TV zombies and do nothing all day!   I live believing in my God and his grace, with out his grace and guidance I would not be where I am nor the person I am today.  I believe that his love is what we should be reflecting on all mankind, that his example of how to live is what we should be mirroring.  

All that being said I still haven't explained Brownsteading so here goes.  My husband (Jon) and I have a dream that one day we will be able to buy some land and farm it.  We want to live a life that is as much off the grid and we can make it.  Where we are as self sufficient as we can.  Think 80/20, 80% of our lives will be created by our own hands and 20% will come from society.  This is the life we dream of our children and our children's children.  So we are starting now, by practing the skills we will need, by saving money to afford this dream and living this life in anyway we can.  

I am doing this blog as an outlet for my thoughts and a way to record our journey.  Im hoping that a long the way someone who needs a little encouragement, guidance, a good recipe or a dose of reality will stumble on my blog and be touched.  

Blessing,
The browns

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