When we moved from Wisconsin to Texas I was in a bad spot. I didn't have a
lot of close friends. I have always been the kind of person who made
lots of acquaintances but it takes a lot for me to make really good
friends. Before, that was OK because I was working or going to school
so I would see and interact with people everyday. Once I became a mom I
was at home all the time and I found that getting out and meeting
people is hard!
When we got the orders to move I knew
something had to change and I resolved to find friends for my son and
I. The first thing I did when we had our Internet hooked up was hop on
yahoo groups and search out mom groups. I got lucky and the first group
I joined was the one. We met lots of friends, most of them I still
keep track of on Facebook and
are probably reading this right now (Hi guys, you know who you are
:O). Anyway, it was amazing for this small town girl to find all these
friends and really start building a support group. When we bought our
new house in Texas we decided that it was time for me to work, so I
started my in home daycare. It was a great time and my house was
usually filled with kids but it meant that I wasn't able to attend many
meet ups with my moms group and we started to grow apart. Our kids
became school age and meet ups turned into mom nights out, which were
just as fun. During this time the isolation sort of came back. I was
in the house for hours a day all by my self and the only adults I saw
were parents dropping off their kids, my husband, and my neighbor who we
were close with. Eventually, I became good friends with some of my
clients and we started hanging out outside of work. All of these moms I
still talk to and see each time I go back.
My close
friend Crystal had told me for years, literally years, that she had this
friend Liz that I had to meet. She kept insisting we would hit it off
and that we were so alike. I was skeptical, I mean really how many
times do you hear that and it turns out to be a dud? Finally, a bunch
of us got together for dinner and Liz and I said Hi and that was the end
of it. I thought she could be fun... maybe next time I'll get to talk
to her more. Then the summer of 2013 came around, this was the year
that Jon deployed. It was a full 6 month deployment and he would be
gone for the holidays and I would be home alone with the kids, not the
first time this had happened but the first time the kids were old enough
to miss him. Anyway, that year we went to Crystals 4th of July party
and ran into Liz and this time we exchanged numbers and made plans to
meet up later. She's a single mom with only a brother in the area for
family, basically the same position I was in at that point. So a few
weeks later we met up to let the kids swim and we spent the morning
talking about everything! We found out that we had so much in common,
besides the nasty sunburn we got that day! Anyway, that started a
friendship that in the last 3 years has developed into way more. She
really got me through that deployment. She was there for the holidays
with me where we sat around and drank wine and watched the kids run
around like crazy people. She talked to me late at night when I was
lonely.
We are two parts to the whole, she really is my
other, other half. I have never had a friend like her, someone who I
know I can say anything to, in any way, and she will either accept it or
give it right back. Someone who will tell me when I'm being an ass but
also support me and be ready to hide the body if I need it! She also
loves my family like her own. She can listen to me vent and rant about
my husband but it never changes her view of him, which is big! We have
been apart longer than we were together but we are stronger than ever
and I wanted to share a few ways we stay in touch.
1) We talk everyday, multiple times a day.
This can be hard because life gets in the way and there are times where
half the day has passed and I will realize I haven't heard from her,
but then I send a simple hi or miss you text and move on. It takes a
very real effort but we both make sure to do it. Thanks to technology
there are many ways to talk everyday, here's a few we found.
Facebook, Instagram, texting, Skype, Pinterest and Marco Polo (which is a great app for those of us who are android users. Its like a cross between a walkie talkie and facetime!)
2) Use Snail Mail
We love to send things back and forth. Cards are our favorite
because they are cheap and you can find some really great ones. We fill
them with random nonsense, even the kids get involved with picking out
the cards. Once a month or every other month we send a box back and
forth. We will fill it with all kinds of random stuff. Some of it is
stuff we pick up at the store, some of it is stuff the kids picked out
for each other and some of it is random stuff from around our houses.
You know like the extra bottles of body spray or lotion or that sweater
that your Aunt sent you that you would never wear but she might.
3) Keep the kids involved.
We like to have the kids write to each other
and send cards and pictures back and forth. We also let them talk
whenever they want. This is whats so great about technology today, they
can pick up my phone and be able to see their friends when they want!
Its helps keep us accountable as well.
4) Plan trips.
This one is really money dependent and is the hardest to do
but we try to make it a point to see each other at least once a year.
Maybe you meet in the middle or maybe you take turns going to each
others
new home, or you pick a spot you both want to visit and meet there.
Last year we took a vacation to Hawaii together. Watch for deals on
plane tickets and plan a head. This is the most difficult one to do but
if you can it is a must. Even if you just go to do nothing but sit on
the couch and do puzzles together!
5) Share common interests.
Pick something that you both love and do
it together and talk about it. This gives you something
to bond over and look forward to. It also keeps things spicy in the
conversation department. You can pick a show or a book and read/watch it
together. Maybe you share an interest in a specific craft so you pick a
project and share your progress and support each other.
6) Be intentional.
This one is probably the hardest but most important. In order to keep a
long distance relationship alive you really need to be intentional
about it. Make the time, force yourself if you have to, to send that
text, to buy that gift, to mail that package. It takes a lot of thought
and work but you can do it. We did and we are closer now than we ever
were!
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